i cannot say that i enjoy all of my time spent here but most of it i did. but most importantly i am experiencing. and by experiencing i progress. or perhaps regress. but direction is only relative. it does not matter. what matter is i am not static.
it is not my business but it is sad to see that most people who have the same opportunity as i got fail to see the real opportunity that we are getting. all they see n what is important to them is we got the scholarship to study here and come back with a roll of paper that most probably will define their whole life.
they try too keep to their comfort zone n clutch tightly on every single thing that is within their reach. unfortunately in foreign situations like these, some of them are just unavailable. n then they fall apart n break to pieces. as i watch by, i wish they will pick up the pieces, mend them back together with greater scaffolding just like the bones in our body do.
others tried very hard to keep me from doing stuff like living with a local indian. the negativity that they prejudicially throws towards the citizen of the country with the 2nd highest population in the world baffles me. i wonder how many locals they already know.
that did not stopped me. the word i used is adventure. i want to experience. whether pleasant or bad, i will embrace the experience. i take risks to see where is my limit. n when i reach the border, i will cross it, sooner or later. i am a bit crazy and i am a bit masochist(and sadist).
i am flexible. versatile. i adjust to situation quickly. i can feel that i am changing now. or perhaps its just another part of me by some mild hypocritical quality i call professionalism is present. i dont feel like myself. but then again who am i to define myself? maybe that is the real me?
i cannot answer that question right now. so im just going to embrace this confusion and unfamiliarity.
it is lonely when others dont share the same perspective as me and i misses being around those who understand. around them i feel comfortable n more of myself.
mbbs. too busy for my personality(on my perspective, which could be the person who i want to be but not who i am). n i dont really have the passion to become a doctor. but i like the subject we study. i like the wonders of human body. preventing diseases and improving the body which i can apply to myself. parallel to my libel cause of finding an eternal youth. with that mentality i will finish my mbbs course. n i am going to have fun doing it.
