Wordless Wednesday 1: Kurtha Raya

Dusting the dust and spider webs

in preparation for tomorrow more serious post. this is basically how i am feeling(strongly)





but yet it goes back and forth





taking off and become a supernova?
seems the most popular idea.
but what if gravity pull is too strong resulting to failure of launch?

more tomorrow

perfection

new stalker anthem for ur study playlist. n good luck

Flaws

We are all with flaws. We have to own them or they will own us.


I did not notice that this statement correlates with my previous blog post. Coincidentally when i was contemplating on the one flaw that somehow i am more concerned with recently, i made up the above statement and in turns the statement inspire me to make post on the blog after so long.


I have a lot to say about this in particular and most of the fragments was tweeted in bits and pieces. For those who does not know i have a twitter account please do not go and search for it. You are not ready yet.


Now go to listen to this song. Pay attention to the lyrics.



Adele soul piercing voice combined with her superior song writing makes this song very heartfelt. It is heartbreaking for me to listen to this song, but it is on repeat. Indeed I am a masochist.


Why does this song hit me at the soft spot? I never have this kind of experience before, but somehow i knew that in the future this will happened to me countless times. Listen to the lyrics, or read it somewhere. While u are at it, add a big bracket after the first line of chorus 'never mind ill find someone like you' and enter a few of my own words which will result in 'never mind i'll find someone like you(who i let get away cause of my cowardice and my flaws which i own in another way instead of overcoming it)'.


In the previous post i have mentioned that i am not great in regards to the conficius quote. I am yet to overcome myself. I walk with such pride and arrogance. I am afraid to give my best just because my best have the slightest chance of being not good enough. I put on acts, 'adapting' i say, but the truth is, it is pretentiousness even to the point that i can be close to someone i actually despise. Throwing sarcasms and jokes nonchalantly as smokescreens so that it is not possible to know if a statement i made is serious or not.


This is a flaw that i owned. I keep my distance, maintaining ambiguity, remain professional at all times and it has become natural. It is a learned flaw. And it is harder to unlearn what we had learnt than to learn something new. Do i wish to have different past, to live normally and not become as detached and jaded as i am?


Definitely no if it turns me to some ignorant idiots who are too wrapped up in some old and aged ideas and mannerism and are unable to critically argue about something as a sport. instead they completely shuts down their mind when a foreign idea is presented to them and diss the presenter witlessly. But i really doubt that would happen. Give me a normal childhood and i will still be curious and open as i am, but i may still retain what i missed most, the naivety, the foolish assumption that people are always good.


I want to be more authentic. To just say hello to that person i am interested in and get to know him/her without waiting for them to reach in to me first, which even when it does happen, the first attempt will be met with some cold exaggeration of a mean glare or ignorance. Yes, non of my friends were accidental strangers at first.


To be able to say my sincere feelings without it being layered with sarcasm and unseriousness to a point that it can be regarded as just a joke and to be taken seriously for a change.


to actually share every thought and history with someone. I never have a friend that i do not have any secrets with.


To be really me. The whole me without the masks I put on. i blend into this different version of me with some demeanor exaggerated and others diminished according to my company.


but all sides of me is me. And maybe these sides are too contrary they cant co-exist at the same instance. still i question the people who says u disappoint me, i know u better, u changed, etc; can we really know anyone? i dont even know who i really am. I am still growing, changing, adapting as i go through life. i cant say that the me tomorrow is the same as i am today. But it is still me.


The verse from chipmunk's champion contain the lyrics

Ok, no one wants to help, I guess you're on your own

Build the foundation with the bricks they've thrown.

In a black and white world true colours show

Change if you want, everybody grows

i have a theory is that i am truly myself with the person i am most comfortable with. When it felt natural without any single effort to hide anything or enhance another. To talk about anything and everything, and to be respectably arguing about those things without any grudge afterwards. That person can be the one for me.


but i still have to overcome the flaw i am concerning with now, the commitment phobia. In a way it is a trust issue, but some major part of it arises from my own cowardice. The fear if all sides of me are shown, my secrets told or the past revealed or the combination will make people feel differently about me. Pity, fear, disgust; repulsive behaviour are bound to happen. That is why eventhough i think there is someone for me, or someone i want to be with, i never feel that i am adequate enough for that incredible person.


But as the chipmunk song state, i can change. Everybody grow. So maybe 1 day i can overcome that fear

ambiguity balance

3 hot ladies in three subsequent posts
my ambiguity is now at risk

and i know a few people who would be upset if i play only for one team, walk through straight lane and settle for vanilla ice cream, and therefore lose my ambiguity

this post is especially for you

i know u have affinity to stylish and fashionable guys, facial hair and hey, look at that low neck tank top

O.O

*chest furrrr

i have been a fan of jamie scott since the town and 'when will i see your face again'. it was the time when i listen to slow songs in the light and easy fm(currently lite.fm) which is also known as the old guy channel.

interestingly as my music taste evolve to a fond of a thumping bass-line, his new band, graffiti6 sounds are more upbeat.

this track has really crispy bass. and the video are really smart and creative.

not to mention he is hot in this video.


2nd vid

on to the other one, i know you like spanish guy. too bad though the brit up there have more chest fur. lols. but he does have facial hair left. *not shaved along with his mole



though this song is have a comparatively slow tempo, but still have the thumping bass and makes me wanna move. the lyrics and vocals are great.

and he looks hot

most importantly, nicole scherzinger in lace!! O.O

love her.

sorry cant help but mention it. and my effort to be ambiguous just took 1 step backward.

fyi, the 2nd vid is related to the first one cause it was written by jamie scott himself.

btw, this also an ode to my roots and heritage. i have a bit of both brit and spanish blood. filipino and hawaiian too

and i'm crazy

but you like it(?)

loca loca loca



after frantically waving hands, trying to grasp something that out of reach, jumping up and down and twirl and twirl and twirl like a crack-head with florence, we jump up and down and head bang with jenny humpfrey taylor. now time to belly dancing with shakira.

this is what i do all day today
and i am not sorry for letting the sexy image of me moving to these beats implanted on ur minds.

exam in hours but i am still not studying. crazy.
been youtubeing and downloading albums and mp3 all day.

im screwed but i dont care
*continue to shake my hips

naughty blond girl need spanking

excuse the misleading title

it is an attempt to increase traffic to this blog by luring porn addicts.
also to repel prude conservatives from here.

still, taylor momsen is actually a naughty blond girl. i like her character, jenny humpfrey in gossip girl, her style and her band music.

as this post and the previous one suggest, i might be in love with girl in a band. especially gingers(brit slang for red hairs) and blonds.

specially dedicated to the exam on monday(yes, the day after tomorrow) because exams make me, well, wanna die

avatar wondergirls

the video speaks for the title. love that mtv's vma nominated this video n allow her to perform this song. now she would become famous and the risk of her to just vapourized into thin air are gone